Here are few of my important confessions at Year end 4 people i Care Abt and who care Abt Me
''Fire is the test of gold,adversity of strong men,women'' said Seneca.
I want to thank every God's Angel on Earth for makin Life bearable and liveable 4 me,wen I detested my Life and the People around me.In good times and in bad, in sickness and in health,Yu ve sumhow made sure I had a standby,never alone to mull over self-pityin.Patience has been Yor virtue.Thank Yu
My Grammas,Folks,Super Glamorous Beautiful Mother,intellectually Overpowering Professor Father,Superstar Shakexpear,my adorable kid brother,Friends and many Special God's Angels(4 of dem have left Orissa 4 Mumbai,one livin in Australia,3 in Jhakhand,16 in U.S.A,5 in Delhi,39 still in Orissa,6 in London,2 in Germanyand there are a few in thousands who silently support and love me,and I wud rather put them as fans,acquaintances,my well-wishers,superficial friends,love them all) have royally pampered me into a Spoilt Princess,which I love being.Dats d moment of Real Eternity for me.Love is bak and happy being in Love.
Few Confessions at Year end-
1.Gramma might b a lil pissed wid my turnin down her ideal grand-son-in-law material Ryan down,but I have no regrets,so wud b nice if she got over it,which she might sooner or later.Havent planned on 2 waste tym explainin either.My Mom,Dad the coolest.
2.I dont like sympathisers,pities.So dont waste Yor breath and time on me.Sum say I'm a little partial to books,english literature,intellectuals,Yu dont have to be Einstein to deconstruct why?It runs in my blood.Its funny people think I'm Super-Arrogant coz I dont cry and complaint well dats whiners do not Me.If dis is a new phenomenon for sum,so be it,dont expect me to explain to converse and explain to Intellectually-Challenged-Minds.
3.I'm not proud for experimentin wid Non-vegetarian food,wich I've found tedious,though fell in love wid sea-food(read salmon,tuna,sardine,haddock) again 10 yrs after,nobody shud blame my friends coz it was my decision.
4.No regrets 4 makin discs my make-shift-address 4 abt few months,they were my ideal hangout 2 destress.
5.T.S.Eliot said,''April is the cruellest month''.
March,2008 onwards seemed a painful Faustian bargain in return for Fame,I became the target of the Yellow Journalists after I was stalked,hounded by obsessive people and lenses.But bin proud of my crusadin against injustice and voicin my views unafraid,bravely,though I have cum to prefer the company of myself and a selective few others,globe-trottin,d shy,peace-loving me has chosen to vent out my anger thru poetry than directin at anybody.Shudnt blame anybody,its my life I take responsibility of my life,though it wud have turned into a Wasteland,like ,it wudnt have bin more painful had my personal tragedies or difficulties werent entertainment for tabloids and broadcasters and public knowledge.
6.Its as if God's testin my strength and stamina and cool wen I had to sort out The hackers who got on my nerves after my (firstname.lastname@example.org) and (email@example.com) were hacked and was pretty upset to learn they sent emails to my contacts in my mails sayin I was lost in London and needed money,such holy crap!!!!!!!!Luckily I retrieved my hotmail account but cudnt retrieve my gmail account.I'm awfully sorry few of my selective gud friends and contacts's emails were sent in bulks and stuff, but please dont hold it against me 4 wat the hackers did.I'm very protective abt my friends wud never hurt them if given a choice.Thank Yu my dearest friends 4 not misunderstandin me,and those who have and are still misunderstandin,I've nothin at all to sayYu like it or not,explainin myself aint my virtue.
7.But ''Difficulties strengthen mind,like labour strengthens body,'' said Seneca
Well d setbacks,betrayals of friends,re-scheduled shoots of my movies and them bein released without an iota of my hardwork reciprocated in dem,sure hurt me.I found it difficult to get over my addiction to fame,adulation.but now I'm over it all.Nothin matters to me at all.More stoic and detached.Thank Yu God for blessin me wid Forces so Powerful,who guided and stood around like Himalaya protectin,guidin,nurturin me bak to get past the smear campaigns,betrayals of cowards,now wich doesnt make any difference to me.Its like I have journeyed past the Inferno,Purgatorio and Paradiso in 2008.The impure elements from and around my life have burned out and now there's an eternal shine like Aunt Usha says.Prepared for all hardships if any 2009 onwards.
8.I might still continue to take extended leaps of absence from relationships,work pliz bear wid me,and I wud like to say if Yu want to Y u are welcome to leave my company,and wud still love not to answer all phone calls if I dont feel like it,so either Yu accept and give me my space,and I shall give Yu Yor galaxy in return or again Yu have Yor choice to understand or misunderstand,The Intellectually-Challenged-Minds are also welcome to gossip and backbite against me.
Honestly I dont give a damn.Besides I'm makin a note for people ,friends who arent gifted in understandin human sensibilities and hope Yu read it and handle me accordingly and not piss me off wid Yor endless questions and complaints dat I aint givin Yu time,not speakin over phone,not reciprocatin Yor Friendship,affection.I love all,but I'm too shy and aint comfortable to show it,and I like it dat way.Dats me,Yu always have a choice to Love me or Hate me or Ignore Me.dont bother I'm hateproof,nothin matters to me.
9.My heart had never skipped crazily before until I found out my brother and Kev were partyin like wild stags in Taj,the nite of d Mumbai tragedy,Nov-26-2008.Luckily they chose to get wild in sum place else,the Taj before You-know-wat.Indians are Indomitable,they have risen above like phoenix and has woken up their lazy bones and senses to crusade against the out-of-their-mind-pt-bellied-political-leaders.
10.So I hate to confess but I've taken a lot of pain to clear few doubts and explain certain important facts for people I care about and for those who care abt me and love me but unable to handle me,end up resentful,dejected.
I dont really like to piss people off who genuinely care abt me but act wierd.I Wish All a Very Happy,Healthier,Peaceful,Prosperous 2009.
P.S-I mentioned my dearest people accordin to their places,coz I'm not crazy abt name dropping,for the benefit of Mankind and all my dearest ones,and the Universe.